Holidays Suck Big Genoa City Balls

Dec 1 - Jan 1

That's right - I'm paring down the whole debauched-filled month of tinsel and tawdry affairs into one big update; somewhat since the holidays threw off the Y&R schedule a bit, and somewhat since I'm so darned busy!

First off I won't hold the suspense - Victoria is STILL comatose. Boring, I agree. However, after the emergency C-Section and the fact that the baby SURVIVED, the question of the babe's father began surfacing. Thankfully, after a week of cock-sparring in the "your baby is pathetically wimpy" ward, Dr. Okamora revealed that JT Helstrom was INDEED the deserved father of Victoria's baby - thus leaving Brad bitter and alone. Happy holidays to me! So Victoria was moved to the Ranch where Victor and Nicki could spend much more time with her (albeit not at the same time since they are clawing each others' eyes out) and JT chose Nicki's maiden name, Reed - because a "reed bends, but does not break..." blah blah blahhhh. And despite all the trauma to the Newmans, Nicki and David still found time to slobber all over each other, causing Victor to bitterly call in her loan; which caused David to hide the news from his beloved; which caused Nicki to FREAK OUT that another man was controlling her; but then they made up and decided to snag Mrs. Chancellor and Jack Abbot to join them in a class action suit against Victor and his conservative oil drilling that caused the whole mess to begin with.

And now that Victor's life was even more miserable and alone than stupid Brad's, Det. "I'm still retarded" Maggie has determined that Victor is the primary suspect in Ji-Min's death after she found the asian stud's blood in Victor's gym bag. But I mean, really, Thor told me that when he used to work nights down at 24HourFitness, men were swapping ALL SORTS of fluids in the locker room, so what happens in the Athletic Club STAYS in the Athletic Club. Meanwhile, David has also proposed to Nicki (with seedy undertones) but she has not yet officially accepted, meaning that none of you prayed hard enough for my "Anvil falls on Nicki's head" storyline - WTF, readers? WTF?!

Jack's life is also sucking particulary hard since he was forced to resign from the Senate after not only were his Jabot interests and the death of Ji-Min making him look bad, but then Gloria received a letter that John Abbot wrote declaring that Jack had forged a new will. With all the lying and deceit suddenly surfacing, Sharon decided to call it quits (after what, 5 months???) but has not officially stepped out of the Abbot mansion (it does have a fantastic game room that would be hard to leave) but I think we all know it's really because there's nothing less sexy than an unemployed guy with no prospects who still expects you to do his laundry.

Cane and Lily are also on the outs after he SHAMELESSLY flirted with her young, naive heart (included one hell of an eskimo kiss) but he finally broke it off due to her age...but I think we all know it's really because there's nothing less sexy than an underage girl who won't put on the school girl costume when asked - prude.

But just when it seemed that EVERYONE'S lives suck big Genoa City balls, our favorite hard-ass, Heather, agreed to have Christmas dinner with her estranged dad, Paul - all thanks to a begrudging heart-to-heart with Daniel, who once faced the same anguish. They are SOOOO gonna hook up - just watch.

And yeah, Phyllis is enjoying her time back out of the slammer; Neil realized Karen is a hot sexy singer, but not that she's still in the closet; Mrs. Chancellor is trying out for Ms. Universe now that Amber is her personal trainer; Ashley moved back into Genoa City yesterday; Jeffrey 

Bardwell is blackmailing Gloria to marry him.

And the crystal ball says: Victoria wakes the f-up! Doesn't JT deserve it? After pretending to father Britney's baby years ago and now fathering a real son of his own, DOESN'T HE DESERVE IT??