THAT'S RIGHT! Bitches were battling it out all week and it was definitely a joy to watch.
As Gloria and Jeffery began moving into the Abbot Manor, the pinched and constipated looks on Sharon and Jack's faces never ceased all week. And if you thought Gloria's wardrobe was gawdy and ostentatious, YOU SHOULD SEE HER SENSE OF INTERIOR DECORATING SKILLS! Not only did she bring a heinously old-fashioned leather club chair and tacky drapes only seen in a retirement home, but she also placed an ENORMOUS portrait painting of herself directly over the mantle. Unfortunately, Noah was extremely dissatisfied with his reign as the House Diva being shelved away, as he attempted to come up with cheesy ideas to force Gloria out of the house. HEL-LO, NOAH! YOU'RE MESSING WITH THE CRAFTIEST BITCH IN GENOA CITY! PUT YOUR HIGH HEELS BACK IN THE CLOSET AND WAIT YOUR TURN!
But Jack's constipation turned into a miserable shit storm, for just as Gloria was having a wildly elaborate interview/photo shoot with The Chronicle about her new digs, Detective Maggie and the police strolled in with a search warrant, placing Jack Abbot BACK into the Ji-Min murder case. So while Jack and Sharon pawned Noah off on Nick, they grabbed a luxury suite at the Athletic Club, hoping their troubles would subside...and meanwhile Gloria and Kevin have devised another GENIUS plan to get Jeffery "Big Spender" Bardwell out of the picture, wherein our Botox Beauty will ingest small amounts of rat poison everyday to convince the authorities she is being taken advantage of, a la Ingrid Bergman in Notorious.
But while the Abbot home is in disarray, the Newman household was filled with schmoopy wedding glee, as JT and Victoria finally tied the knot...unfortunately, Victoria left all of the decorating up to Nicki so that the Newman living room was FILLED with STUFFY white and purple bouquets, long white tapered candles, an overstuffed trellis, and a obscenely detailed cake that looked straight out of a 1986 retirement home. Luckily, Victoria is pretty much the only NON-BITCH in the show, and all she cared about was tying the knot and consummating the deal afterwards. But while the newlyweds were making sweet love in Victoria's old room (aka the LEAST romantic place for post wedding coitus), Victor received word that his ex-blind-wife, Hope, is dying of pancreatic cancer...and soon rushed off to be by her side (and presumably search for Victor JR - who can tell you has already been cast for the future).
And after giving the Ji-Min murder case a royal fuck-up, Heather was released from her position as Assistant District Attorney, but apparently NOT discharged from being a totally uptight bitch. In an attempt to drown out her sorrows with some cheap booze and Genoa City's finest young socialites, Daniel threw Heather a birthday party at Kevin's place - awash with Amber's "famous" date rape punch and karaoke (and I salivated to the idea of getting drunk and singing "Papa Don't Preach" with the bunch). All seemed well, until Colleen and Adrian showed up, and Heather felt the need to wax intellectual with Adrian INSTEAD of getting ripped with the party crowd - EVEN COLLEEN WAS ANNOYED. Soon after, all the girls began enjoying a taste of belting out bad karaoke, until it was Heather's turn and she totally denied Amber and the microphone. Just as she was about to leave, Daniel convinced her to stay for Amber's song, and it was deliciously sweet when my favorite drunken blonde (other than myself) sang a fabulously sexy song, mainly to Daniel, and Heather hit the road. THEN, after the party cleared out, Amber and Daniel were joking around with the microphone, and TOTALLY STARTED MAKING OUT - WITH CLOTHES COMING OFF AND EVERYTHING - leaving us only to believe that they are TOTALLY gonna do it! I've been waiting so long!
Oh yeah, and Cane and Lily are "falling for each other" blah blah blah snnnnore zzzzzzz. Let's talk more about Daniel and Amber and their HOT MAKEOUT!!!
But while the Abbot home is in disarray, the Newman household was filled with schmoopy wedding glee, as JT and Victoria finally tied the knot...unfortunately, Victoria left all of the decorating up to Nicki so that the Newman living room was FILLED with STUFFY white and purple bouquets, long white tapered candles, an overstuffed trellis, and a obscenely detailed cake that looked straight out of a 1986 retirement home. Luckily, Victoria is pretty much the only NON-BITCH in the show, and all she cared about was tying the knot and consummating the deal afterwards. But while the newlyweds were making sweet love in Victoria's old room (aka the LEAST romantic place for post wedding coitus), Victor received word that his ex-blind-wife, Hope, is dying of pancreatic cancer...and soon rushed off to be by her side (and presumably search for Victor JR - who can tell you has already been cast for the future).
And after giving the Ji-Min murder case a royal fuck-up, Heather was released from her position as Assistant District Attorney, but apparently NOT discharged from being a totally uptight bitch. In an attempt to drown out her sorrows with some cheap booze and Genoa City's finest young socialites, Daniel threw Heather a birthday party at Kevin's place - awash with Amber's "famous" date rape punch and karaoke (and I salivated to the idea of getting drunk and singing "Papa Don't Preach" with the bunch). All seemed well, until Colleen and Adrian showed up, and Heather felt the need to wax intellectual with Adrian INSTEAD of getting ripped with the party crowd - EVEN COLLEEN WAS ANNOYED. Soon after, all the girls began enjoying a taste of belting out bad karaoke, until it was Heather's turn and she totally denied Amber and the microphone. Just as she was about to leave, Daniel convinced her to stay for Amber's song, and it was deliciously sweet when my favorite drunken blonde (other than myself) sang a fabulously sexy song, mainly to Daniel, and Heather hit the road. THEN, after the party cleared out, Amber and Daniel were joking around with the microphone, and TOTALLY STARTED MAKING OUT - WITH CLOTHES COMING OFF AND EVERYTHING - leaving us only to believe that they are TOTALLY gonna do it! I've been waiting so long!
Oh yeah, and Cane and Lily are "falling for each other" blah blah blah snnnnore zzzzzzz. Let's talk more about Daniel and Amber and their HOT MAKEOUT!!!
The following video is too hilarious to pass up. I'm sorry to those who think Adrian is sexy - because I'm a girl who like rebel boys and motorcycles - not college profs who like banging fat girls.
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