JUST IN! Genoa City - Worst Elevators in the Nation

May 12th - 16th (see?! I told you I would keep up!)

As a coworker of mine said yesterday, "Something needs to happen in Genoa City..." and I second that motion.

The week started out well for the crew at Restless Style as the mock-up of their first issue arrived, that is until some snobby Miranda Priestley wanna-be was hired by Jack and tore the issue apart like tissue paper on a cheese grinder. With Nick on the road, and Sharon and Phyllis taking their proverbial "bitch on the side" places, Jack made a ton of unilateral decisions that expanded the cost of the book like crazy, and COULD have delayed the print date. Yet after many extreme ups and downs ("The printer is broken! The printer is fixed!" "The website is down! The website is up!" "The coffee is cold! The coffee is hot!"), the new mag successfully debuted. Everyone was overjoyed.

Meanwhile, in the...errr....joy department...David Chow has been chomping at the bit to get Nicki to marry him...although we're not 100% clear if it is his love for big, old ladies, or just her money to bail him out of gambling debt (the two seem to go hand in hand), so he was obviously over-joyed when she proposed that they skip town and just do the damn thing. David immediately threw together a plan to hop a jet to Mexico where they would wed in an ancient and rural church, however, his pocketbook obviously did the planning as they flew coach (GASP!) and ended up at a divey wedding chapel with sombreros instead of pope hats. Regardless, the two ironed out the imperfections, Nicki cleaned herself up and they tied the knot in a back garden, serenaded by a spanish guitar...all the while, Nicki having flashbacks of her wedding(s) with Victor. Not a good sign, there, David.

And speaking of wedded bliss, Sabrina has accepted Victor's formidable engagement ring (despite many townsfolk whispers), but have decided not to rush to the altar just yet. Basically, there's nothing to complain about with Sabrina: she's hot, she's intelligent, she's modest, and now she's marrying Victor. The divinity is complete.

In weirder news, Chloe has moved in with Lily and Devon after her apartment was completely flooded. But for as bitchy as Chloe was in the beginning, she's now positively an effervescent breeze to Lily and Devon's stale household, for within the first day she brought a giant stuffed "lucky" giraffe, proceeded to get drunk, and kissed Cane in a rambling, fall-down swoop. I like her new hair, too.

And in the end, it seems that Colleen and Adrian are officially O-V-E-R as his book was pronounced dead and Colleen announced she was taking a work-study position in Shanghai. Ummm...the only work-study positions at UofO were the ones in the library or the cafeteria...apparently I should have applied to GCU. Either way, Adrian was all, "Ur such a bitch!" and Colleen was all *sad face* and Adrian was like "Have a nice life! asdfkjls;l;lk!!" and Colleen was all "What? you don't like my sad face?" *sadder face*

Oooh! Ooooh! So then Gloria goes and donates 50 million buckaroos to charity, leaving her 50 million left to pinch pennies, but Jeffery serves her with divorce papers asking for half her estate. Now I'm confused cos I thought this still meant that she'd have 25 million (which means that maybe she'll have to have immigrant houseservants as opposed to native ones), but she runs into Allister bumming it on a park bench and they commiserate on their destituteness, drinking scotch out of a paper bag. They go back to her room at the Club and my favorite line of the week was when Allister said, "Now Gloria, may I be able to spend the night...?" and Gloria all drunkenly slurs, "Well...it's too late to spend the DAY!" hahaha! good one, Glor. Then they peel down the layers and do the dirty on the couch. Whoa.

And RIGHT as the week was wrapping this all up in a pretty pink bow, Sabrina convinced Victor to hit up Nicholas at Restless Style for a stoic congrats, and Nicki and David were also smearing their way over for free cake...and OF COURSE the elevator carrying the mismatched foursome came to a halt mid-floor. Really? REALLY? Are the elevator repairmen THAT incompetent in Genoa City? REALLY?!?! 

Did I mention Karen is gone? Yeah, Neil was pretty much a huge douche and she picked up her pride and blew town. Guess Genoa City wasn't ready for closet-lesbians yet. Sorry Amanda.