The Newmans Rise Up and Cane Throws Out his Motley Crue Albums...

Sept 8th - 12th, 2008

Well, with Victor back in town "righting wrongs" we thought SURELY tides would be turning, claws would be extending, gears would be grinding...but um...not really. So after Victor instated Neil as the new CEO of Newman Enterprises and ruthlessly fired his own new son, Adam, it was time for a warm homecoming with Nicholas and Victoria...but um...not really. For as soon as the sibs were in Victor's study, he coldly asked them to step-off and give him some grieving room. Soon after, he dismissed ALL of the housekeeping staff and poor Estrella was all, 

"Ms. Newman! Ohhhh, aye yi yi! Meeeester Newman fired us!  Now we must open a Muchas Gracias! Ohhhh noooo!"

 

"Don't you worry Adella..err...Esmerelda...err...Maria whatever your name is. I'll make sure someone gets RIGHT OVER THERE so that Mr. Newman doesn't go A MINUTE without being tended to hand and foot!"

"Mom - how will dad SURVIVE? With no house staff? Surely he will perish!"

"This is, indeed, extremely troubling..."

So Nicki stomped her Choos straight to the Ranch where she INSISTED that she see her ex-husband who hates her guts, apparently still thinking she has some pull in his life. When Victor refused to answer the door, she huffed a lawn chair smack through the window and the king of the castle immediately called the police. With all the new "trespassing" afoot, Victor hired an airtight security crew to monitor the premises.

Meanwhile, all of the Newman children reverted to big mopey-pants for most of the week. First starting with Adam, all depressed about daddy's lack of love, but just like a good woman, Heather healed his pain with a sensual massage and then some...

"That's right, baby...relax..."

"Daddy doesn't love me...and I'm thinking about getting a job at KFC. You like Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?"

"I like guys with high powered jobs......"

"OW OW OW OW OW! Little rough there, H!"

"........."

Simultaneously, Victoria was also mopey about her own unemployment status - until Neil offered her BACK to Newman, orders of the Mustache himself. Of course, she felt mildly conflicted since the gesture was only towards her, and appeared to exclude Nicholas, but that didn't last long and she accepted the position with glee. And this seemed to thrill EVERYONE, except those of us watching who pretty much saw this coming in 1988.

Having work troubles himself, Nicholas was fighting his own battles over at Restless Style, as he and Jack were unable to agree about anything.

"So let's seeee...I'm thinking pastrami on rye with dill relish on the side for lunch..."

"No no no no no...dill does NOT agree with me."

"Maybe you'd prefer a side salad and a diet coke, prissy pants?"

"Dammit Jack! These are IMPORTANT BUSINESS decisions!"


"Uhhh...guys? The decorator is here and he wants to know what color you want to paint the bathroom?"

"This is just not going to work."

Things were particularly tense when Sharon seemed to continually take Nick's side (and I'm telling you - this is going somewhere soon). Either way - the boys agreed that RS isn't big enough for TWO trojan magnums, so they made a deal to flip a coin and whoever lost could either buy the other guy out, or sell his share...wherein, Jack won. All seemed hopeless for Nick and Phyllis (aside from the fact that Victor is alive, they live on a multimillion dollar estate, and their running a fashion magazine is akin to scrapbooking or bowling for the rest of us) because they couldn't afford to buy out that sinister bastard. Then old slut-face Sharon, her succubus eyes still fixed on her ex-husband, confided in Victor about alllll the probs with Restless Style and begged him to bail Nick out (thinking he'd hire his son as a mail boy at Newman). But apparently The Big Man had a better idea: Just as they were leaving to give Jack the news, Victor had an important letter delivered to Nicholas stating that they had an infinite amount of $$ to purchase Restless Style, wherein the couple hustled their butts to the office to gloat in their ex-partner's face.

Anyway, all these crazy business deals led Adam and Jack to align in a master plan to get revenge on Victor (hint: it involves toilet paper late at night), while Gloria and Jeffrey were busy purchasing the tumbling Jabot stock to take over the company with Jack's help. And with all the trouble at Jabot, Cane (the newly appointed CEO) asked his mum, Jill, to step down to help avoid any more bad publicity...and she quickly downed her sorrows with a bottle of Jack and some Virginia Slims.

Back in domestic land, Cane and Chloe have been having marital issues since it was revealed that Chloe is actually Kate Valentine, Esther's daughter. Even though Cane made it clear that their "marriage" was ONLY to claim his right to the baby, Chloe got totally pissed when she saw Cane and Lily making moony faces to each other over coffee. Within 10 minutes, Chloe nabbed herself a poor man's Tommy Lee named "Rocko" and proceeded to make out Matador-style on the Chancellor sofa.

"What do you think of my new boyfriend, Cane-a-roo?"

"He looks like a poor man's Tommy Lee..."

"Damn straight I do! Rock n ROLLLLL!!!!!!"

*grody slurpy sounds*

"I will never be able to listen to Shout at the Devil the same again..."

But things are definitely looking up for Daniel and Amber, THANK GOD! Although Colleen seemed to have some firm new hooks in my favorite stud, Daniel, he just couldn't get Ambular out of his mind. The claws came out several times, but after a moving plea of love from Amber, Daniel just couldn't resist his favorite ex-porn star-cum-fashionista barista. The sweetest part? After all the cat fighting, Colleen is going around all like, "Ohhh Emmm Geee! Like Daniel is totes my main squeeezie!" while Amber and Daniel have their make-up makeout. Suck it, Colleen. Go pray or something. You're boring.