Noah's Balls Finally Drop! and other important news!

August 4th - Sept 5th, 2008

I want you all to know that between going on vacation and going back to work, it was a harrowing struggle to catch back up on Y&R; but with patience and sweet deliverance, it has finally occurred. Read on boys and girls...

So when we left off, Sabrina had just bitten the dust, leaving Victor miserably heartbroken and everyone else in relative shock. But without skipping a beat, Victor spewed ire at Nicki and then headed home where he wordlessly set a confused Michael and pathetically eager Adam upon funeral plans. Victoria and Nick made MILD attempts to comfort papa, but rejected their love bitterly and instead packed up all of Sabrina's things and sent them off to charity. THEN, as people were arriving at Sabrina's funeral a couple days later, The Mustache was nowhere to be found and the pastor informed everyone that they had missed the "REAL" service earlier that morning. While everyone else in town was searching for Victor, we got a glimpse of Victor's cellphone buried within Sabrina's newly dug gravesite. WEEEEIRDDD. And then, of course, he did the Newman disappearing act that seems to occur everytime Eric Braeden wants a vacation.

Suddenly, ALLLL the Newmans (minus Adam) are like, "WHERE'S VICTOR? HE'S SO IMPORTANT TO US! YEAH WE WERE ASSHOLES AND TOTALLY TRYING TO COCK BLOCK HIM, BUT NOW WE CARE!!!" Meanwhile, Adam decided that he would head the company during the hiatus, and quickly ordered his "World's Greatest CEO" mug and Krillin paperweight. 

So Paul does the proverbial detective digging and finds a lead in a Mexican village, while at the same time, we get to see Victor throwing back shots of tequila and exercising his gruff Spanish skills with the locals. For days he sits at the cheap Mexican bar, drinking tequila and looking morose, until Walter walks in and we're all like, "OOOhhhh, now we get it!" Walter struts in and badgers the bartender like all asshole Americans do and says he wants to go fishing, wherein Victor pretends to be Mexican (or some-such-nonsense) and charters the boat...simultaneously, Nicki and Paul trek it Mexy-style. BUT OH NOOOOO! A HORRIBLE STORM ROLLS IN!!! and the V-Man goes missing.

Meanwhile, despite his overt "grief" for his missing father and other family turmoils, Nick and Phyllis secretly print an aggressively stupid expose on Jack in their own Restless Style Magazine (anyone else rather pick up a copy of 'Woman's World' at this point? just me?), where in Jack is initially miffed but then grants an interview to some nameless reporter claiming he LIKES the backstabbing article because it sells his trash rag of a magazine. This pisses off Nick and Phyllis, but frankly, aren't we all a bit disappointed with Phyllis? Back in the day, she might have drugged Sharon and taken pictures of her passed out on a stripper pole or taken hidden video footage of Jack doing shady business deals...but the bitch has gone soft :(

Cane and Lily have also officially called it off now that Cane has been determined to be the baby daddy. EVERYONE is all like, "Yo Cane! you gotta be THERE for the KID, dude! you gotta be THERE!" so without much hesitation, Cane snatches that ring back off of Lily's finger and throws it onto Chloe, who begins basking in the light of Chancellordom. So Cane is pissed, Lily is distraught, Chloe is exacting her plan - that is until they go to the Chancellor mansion and it is revealed that Chloe is indeed KATE, Esther the MAID'S estranged daughter. Duh-duh-dummmmmm! Jill screams, "Annulment!" and Cane blows his lid (secretly thinking this may be his ticket to a girl who will finally wear a frenchmaid outfit)...but strangely enough, Mrs. C just shrugs her shoulders. 

Noah also came back from summer camp and BOY did his balls drop all at once! Check it out: 

And although we are all monumentally glad that the candyass Noah from before is no longer, unfortunately the new, more aged Noah screams neither flamboyant queerboy (like the old Noah captured so well), nor hot sarcastic and rebellious 16-year old skater boy either. But there is potential there. I feeeeel it.

Meanwhile, south of the border, Paul receives word that his daughter, Heather, has collapsed and he must return to Genoa City - and the dope leaves Nicki ALONE in a secluded village. Mexican officials then advised Nicki they found a chunk of Victor's boat and that surely he must be D-E-A-D. This caused Mrs. "I used to be Victor's Honey" Newman to hit the bottle like no tomorrow. My favorite line? "Do you knowwww how to sayyyy vodka in Spanishhhh? Elll vodddkaaaa...heh heh hehhhhhh blehhhhgh hehhhh..." (that's a direct quote from the script btw). So then Nicki RUSHES to save his desolate drunken mother and once the storm cleared, Walter's dead body washes ashore and Mexico issues a death certificate for the late-Victor Newman.

Genoa City goes into insurmountable grief. Adam inherits Newman Enterprises and fires Victoria, then Neil. Karen is like, "OH NO YOU DID-N'T!" and quits. Then Adam is all like, "Call me Victor Newman now! Hail to the chief," and hires Brad Carlton as his new CEO, who gets an insta-boner. 

Things ride like this for a few days, and then Nicki is crawling across Long Beach...errr....MEXICAN sand...

"Victorrrr...Victorrrr...."

And we see some familiar feet approach...

"Victor...?"

"You will go to the Dagobah system."

"Dagobah system?"

"There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed me."

"......?"

So Victor takes her back to this hut where he basically tells her to EFF-OFF and says he's never coming home. EVER. Nicki gives him some sloppy sobbing story about family and then he leaves. And then she waits around and eventually gives up and leaves. Then SERIOUSLY, like TEN minutes later, Victor is BACK in ol' GC and ready to get down to biznazz. Michael and Neil prance around like the Lollypop Kids in OZ as Adam is immediately FIRED and kicked off the Ranch; Neil is then re-hired and promoted to CEO of NE.

So YEAH, lots o' shit going down. What we should all REALLY ponder is what the heck is wrong with Heather? Why have her collapse and go to the hospital and then be released and no other word about it?? I'm guessing the HIV. 

Oh yeah - and a lot happened with Devon's cousin, Ana, who turned out to be his sister who is now on her way to an art school in New Hampshire, but frankly I just can't talk about them ANYMORE. BOR-ING.