Makin' Love Vegan Style...

May 26th - 30th

Well there were no actual alien sightings this week, but we can be sure that much of what is happening is leading up to something sumptuous soon...

So as Paul was digesting the recent news that David Chow's ex-ladies all ended up with an ill-fated "accident," Nicki and David were still enjoying their honeymoon bliss back in Genoa City.

"You are such a wonderful new pet  husband..." 

"Yes...and you have such a gianormous pocketbook heart..."

"I looooove yoooooouuuu...."

"........................."

Anyway, so then Daniel is saying to goodbye to everyone in GC to start his new career as head photographer for his dad's tour. It was almost reminiscent of women sending their men off to war, as Amber and Phyllis were all tight and teary and Daddy D and Baby D were hitching up their bags to take off...but then we all remembered that Daddy D is a washed-up dough boy musician who only had one hit in the early 90s and no one even remembers the tune to it anymore...but that doesn't mean we didn't get to see a lot of great scenes where Danny talked about how wonderful and EXCITING his career has been, while whipping out his cell-phone to take very important business calls...

"What do you mean my Costco Card is going to expire? Do you know who I AM?!"

At the same time, Gloria was also struggling with reality when she had her pile of diamond appraised and discovered that they were FAKES (because her soon-to-be-ex Jeffery carefully switched them, half-joking/half-serious). With the possibility of prison looming, but also having apparently no assets to her name (proving Kelly right, once again, that poor people can't even correctly use their money if they had it anyway, and thus should all be jailed), Gloria signed away all 50 million smackeroos to her beloved ex-Jeffery. THEN that strumpet Jill proceeded to fire our favorite down-and-out dame AND take Jeffery to dinner with her old saggy cleavage all hanging out. This proved most problematic for Michael and Lauren who are ALWAYS trying to have sex and are CONSTANLY interupted!

"Check it out...my boobs are so firm that they don't even move when I jump up and down!"

"You're not the ONLY one!"

"Let's make sweet, sweet looooove..."

SUDDENLY! *Banging on the front door*

"Dammit Gloria! I'm trying to get some ACTION here!"

But someone else DID get to make sweet love this week, in the form of PURE EVIL. In a slightly pervy and unpredictable meeting, Adam and Heather did the dirty deed alll night, and a little bit the next morning. And when you put two unstoppable closers together, sex apparently happens this fast:

Adam sees some nice glutes and decides he needs to tap that.

Heather agrees that she has a tappable ass and they should discuss said tappable ass over drinks.

Heather says she likes her martinis dirty.

Adam asks if she likes anything else dirty.

Apparently she does.

And as the two sexcapaders rushed off to work the next morning, wasn't it HILARIOUS that they were both rushing to the VERY SAME MEETING? where Adam was defending Newman Enterprises and Heather was defending Jabot? ZOMG! 

Life with the Winters' residence is also crazy kooky wacky since crazy kooky wacky Chloe moved in...and GET THIS - she threw out Devon's sugary cereal and whole milk and REPLACED it with a healthy cereal and soy milk! THAT BITCH! I totally remember when Thor was all, "Yo I'm vegan.." and I was like, "Sprouts?" and he was like, "Yeahhhh!" And I was like *raised eyebrows* but we all know how THAT ended up! So I'm totally predicting a little Chlovon action in the future.

"You know, they once thought I murdered a bitch named Carmen Mesta...hmmm...Carmen...Chloe...they sound a little SIMILAR don't you THINK?"

"Ohhhh...don't be mad baby...We are soooo gonna do it vegan style..."

But Lily still got a hot new gig in New York AND everyone at Jabot is raving her bone structure, so things for the Lilster are looking up...next week's Dateline, "The New Diet: Model Miscarriages".

So that's it for this week...let me know if you like the new format and maybe I'll stick with it.

Roswell meets Y&R - and just wants it for the money...

May 19th - 23rd, 2008

(Ok who else is in love with my title pic?? Who knew that Nick and Phyllis ALSO pose for their myspace pages like the rest of us?!)

It was ALLL about David this week, but first we left off with Victor, Sabrina, Nicki, and David trapped in the elevator of Nick's warehouse as they were on their way up to the Restless Style kick-off party. Yet drama was NOT in high effect, even when the party-goers realized they would have to hoof it down the stairs to their Lexus's and loaded Land Rovers. While everyone upstairs gleefully sipped champagne, Nicki and Victor sparred vicious words, with David occaisionally piping in, and Sabrina acting the reserved tart that she is...but of course, the four were released soon after and no babies or deaths were reported.

Meanwhile, Paul (on his own accord) has continued to investigate David Chow, and uncovered some interesting (if not totally weird) tidbits to contribute. First off, Paul and JT discovered that David has THREE ex-wives - errr...that is ONE ex-wife as the first two DIED in MYSTERIOUS accidents. Did I mention all of them were loaded? The third wife, Mitzy or Bitzy or somethingzy, had fled to the Caribbean where Paul convinced her to at least share a few words. In their exchange, Mitzy divulged that David has a pattern of  slowly wooing extremely wealthy women and then bleeding them dry - and once confronted, he shows his ANGRY face, and wives began kicking off. Worried for her safety, Mitzy left the country and went in to relative hiding. All of this seemed completely plausible and were were all like, "OMG! Nicki's gonna get it! Victor was RIGHT!" but then Mitzy starts talking about the people who "helped" David get away with the murders..."people" with no DNA..."people" from another place...(does anyone else hear the X-Files music right now?). So after Mitzy's schpeel about aliens and France, Paul politely returned to Genoa City and called his other detective friends, Moulder and Scully to debrief.

Back in reality-ville, Gloria realized that she is NOT broke because she stockpiled a stash of priceless jewelry and diamonds in a safe-deposit box back when she was worried that Jeffrey would blow her wad. Unfortunately, just as she spilled little piles of large diamonds all over in glee, Allistir overheard her monologue and will surely report back to Jill - who agreed to hand over some more bucks in exchange for more info. Jeffrey, the meantime, also admitted to Jill how much he is head-over-heels with Gloria, but could never admit such a miserable secret. Condolences, Jeffry; we all started out hating her, but Gloria is one hell of a leopard toting Botox beauty. 

This week also remembered Cassie Newman's death, just three years ago, and several characters had musical montages remembering how much "easier" things were back then - but frankly the rest of us were all happy that Danny ditched the chick hair. And speaking of Daniel, Daddy Danny Romalotti unexpectedly hit town and offered to whisk Jr away to be Head Photographer on dad's music tour. Are we really supposed to believe that flesh-faced Danny is still and international pop superstar? REALLY? Either way, despite his profession of love to Amber and protestations from Phyllis, Daniel agreed to take the gig and appears to be blowing town for awhile.

Nick and Sharon also spent the week commiserating Cassie's death, particularly after Nicholas survived a minor car accident and his memory came flooding back. The pair visited the grave site and Nicholas apologized x3 for his affair. Blah blah blah blah...if these two get back together I'm gonna barf.

Some weird tension was also occuring between Cane and Chloe this week, after her drunken sloppy kiss. Although Cane was all, "That was so WRONG and you must NEVER do it AGAIN and you better FIGURE your shit out, BITCH," it also felt that he was simultaneously into it, with these weird sleazy smiles and winks. And I'm ALLL about THAT hook-up! 

And finally, does everyone remember Natural Glow? the company that Adam insisted Newman Enterprises buy, which inevitably led to Victoria quitting? Well Adam finally got what he deserved when it turned out the newly obtained Natural Glow is in a pending a lawsuit which means it will cost Newman MILLIONS - on a good day. Victor handed his new son his ass on a plate, and the gossip spread like wildfire, meaning there will be a lot of sucking-up in the future.

Questions for next week! 

Will Daniel really leave town? Are Nick and Phyllis a thing of the past? IS DAVID CHOW AN ALIEN??

And don't ask my why I think this is so funny...but I do, sue me:

JUST IN! Genoa City - Worst Elevators in the Nation

May 12th - 16th (see?! I told you I would keep up!)

As a coworker of mine said yesterday, "Something needs to happen in Genoa City..." and I second that motion.

The week started out well for the crew at Restless Style as the mock-up of their first issue arrived, that is until some snobby Miranda Priestley wanna-be was hired by Jack and tore the issue apart like tissue paper on a cheese grinder. With Nick on the road, and Sharon and Phyllis taking their proverbial "bitch on the side" places, Jack made a ton of unilateral decisions that expanded the cost of the book like crazy, and COULD have delayed the print date. Yet after many extreme ups and downs ("The printer is broken! The printer is fixed!" "The website is down! The website is up!" "The coffee is cold! The coffee is hot!"), the new mag successfully debuted. Everyone was overjoyed.

Meanwhile, in the...errr....joy department...David Chow has been chomping at the bit to get Nicki to marry him...although we're not 100% clear if it is his love for big, old ladies, or just her money to bail him out of gambling debt (the two seem to go hand in hand), so he was obviously over-joyed when she proposed that they skip town and just do the damn thing. David immediately threw together a plan to hop a jet to Mexico where they would wed in an ancient and rural church, however, his pocketbook obviously did the planning as they flew coach (GASP!) and ended up at a divey wedding chapel with sombreros instead of pope hats. Regardless, the two ironed out the imperfections, Nicki cleaned herself up and they tied the knot in a back garden, serenaded by a spanish guitar...all the while, Nicki having flashbacks of her wedding(s) with Victor. Not a good sign, there, David.

And speaking of wedded bliss, Sabrina has accepted Victor's formidable engagement ring (despite many townsfolk whispers), but have decided not to rush to the altar just yet. Basically, there's nothing to complain about with Sabrina: she's hot, she's intelligent, she's modest, and now she's marrying Victor. The divinity is complete.

In weirder news, Chloe has moved in with Lily and Devon after her apartment was completely flooded. But for as bitchy as Chloe was in the beginning, she's now positively an effervescent breeze to Lily and Devon's stale household, for within the first day she brought a giant stuffed "lucky" giraffe, proceeded to get drunk, and kissed Cane in a rambling, fall-down swoop. I like her new hair, too.

And in the end, it seems that Colleen and Adrian are officially O-V-E-R as his book was pronounced dead and Colleen announced she was taking a work-study position in Shanghai. Ummm...the only work-study positions at UofO were the ones in the library or the cafeteria...apparently I should have applied to GCU. Either way, Adrian was all, "Ur such a bitch!" and Colleen was all *sad face* and Adrian was like "Have a nice life! asdfkjls;l;lk!!" and Colleen was all "What? you don't like my sad face?" *sadder face*

Oooh! Ooooh! So then Gloria goes and donates 50 million buckaroos to charity, leaving her 50 million left to pinch pennies, but Jeffery serves her with divorce papers asking for half her estate. Now I'm confused cos I thought this still meant that she'd have 25 million (which means that maybe she'll have to have immigrant houseservants as opposed to native ones), but she runs into Allister bumming it on a park bench and they commiserate on their destituteness, drinking scotch out of a paper bag. They go back to her room at the Club and my favorite line of the week was when Allister said, "Now Gloria, may I be able to spend the night...?" and Gloria all drunkenly slurs, "Well...it's too late to spend the DAY!" hahaha! good one, Glor. Then they peel down the layers and do the dirty on the couch. Whoa.

And RIGHT as the week was wrapping this all up in a pretty pink bow, Sabrina convinced Victor to hit up Nicholas at Restless Style for a stoic congrats, and Nicki and David were also smearing their way over for free cake...and OF COURSE the elevator carrying the mismatched foursome came to a halt mid-floor. Really? REALLY? Are the elevator repairmen THAT incompetent in Genoa City? REALLY?!?! 

Did I mention Karen is gone? Yeah, Neil was pretty much a huge douche and she picked up her pride and blew town. Guess Genoa City wasn't ready for closet-lesbians yet. Sorry Amanda.

So I have to say that this is pretty much the raddest shirt ever. I want one. Buy one for me and then buy one for yourself, too.

Genoa City Athletic Club T-Shirt

Abercrombie Thongs are a Bad Fashion Statement

Update to May 9th, 2008

Ok ok - I took a vacation (not from WATCHING Y&R but from my duties of WRITING) and after several complaints, I have decided to come BACK. Although my fingers might break off if I attempted to write ALL that has happened in the two months past, I can at least catch you up on all the good stuff most recent.

So after Victor's pilgrimy ex-wife, Hope, died, an invitation to their son Victor JR (who rebelliously goes by the prodigal name Adam) was made so that he might join Newman Enterprises. Adam reluctantly took the position and immediately began ruffling feathers across Genoa City with his most INSIPID and ARROGANT attitude. Victoria unexpectedly quit her job at Newman after Adam's manipulation had her bouncing around the company like a pinball, and now suddenly the greasy-haired scheister has started feeling a bit bummed that he crapped all over the only sister he's got. Meanwhile, he's still busy hitting on Phyllis and sexually harassing Victor's HOT and YOUNG new girlfriend, Sabrina, who also happens to be Victoria's best friend that we've never heard of before.

SPEAKING of which, let's introduce Sabrina the sexy, accent-clad art dealer who is nothing but modest and demure - clearly nothing farther than the tawdry, lumbering likes of Nicki. Although Sabrina and Victor's suddenly hot-and-heavy affair pissed off Victoria royally, it didn't stop Victor from producing an ENORMOUS diamond ring and proposing marriage last Friday (and dammit! I think he deserves some honey after all that vinegar!).

Nicki and David Chow, in the meantime, are facing inevitable doom, as David's gambling problems have gotten completely out of hand. Although Nicki realizes David has dropped a few too many G's in the past, she does not know that Brad is secretly paying a bookie to lure David into sheer and utter debt, leaving Mr. Chow owing Mr. Carlton a cool 100 grand in secrecy. The couple have booked the Colonnade Room for their stuffy wedding in August, but surely it's not meant to be since the only flowers they will be able to afford are carnations after David's debts are all paid off.

Lily and Cane are also rollercoastering lately, as Lily became unexpectedly pregnant. And even though Cane stepped up and was exciting to start a nuclear family (all the while Lily whining and pining about her mom), the baby was miscarried just a quickly as it came. 

Business works at Nick, Phyllis, Jack, and Sharon's new rag-tag magazine have been under fire as the women bicker and bitch over fashion sense (come on, we ALLL know Sharon's sense of style consists of an Abercrombie thong and a day at Tan Rio) and famous fashion editors dog the first issue's content. However, with such a stellar troupe and stellar cashflow behind the project, we know it'll work out anyway - HEL-LO! they bought a trendy warehouse! SOOO Pearl District!

Gloria and Jeffery seemed to have finally broken up because they are both old, and Gloria needs to pursue more time with her duties in High School Musical. Duh.

In completely UN-ELDERLY LOVE NEWS, Amber and Daniel have officially moved in together, and the unrestrained sex all over the penthouse has resumed. Trust me, Daniel and Amber's hot sex all over piles of money are still WAYYYY more exciting than Lily and Cane's tea-sipping miscarriage talks. BOR-ING!

And FINALLY, Adrian "douchette" Korbell and Colleen seem to have also hit the skids as Colleen has suddenly determined that the book she INSISTED that her beloved write (exposing the sordid Nazi-Art story of her family) is now a BAD idea, just a week before publishing. Of course Adrian is all, "OMGWTF, bitch?!" and Colleen's all, "My bad...." so lots of tears and lip quivering have been searing the screen in the past week. It seems that Brad and Michael Baldwin are claiming the book is full of LIES so it probably won't be published and Adrian will have to start teaching at the community college where the co-eds aren't so easy, or toned.

SOOO there you have it. More to come this week <3